Why, God? I don’t understand. Are you listening to my prayers? Are you angry because of my failure to love and serve you as you deserve? Are you concerned with more important matters? Those are questions that I ask sometimes. I asked it again today.
My sister has much back pain due to Spinal stenosis, (pinched nerves running through her spinal cord) plus four bulging discs, one slipped vertebrae and accelerated arthritis. She also has knee pain yet from a knee replacement a few years back. She goes to work in pain every day. She returns home in more pain, sometimes barely able to walk. She has applied for disability twice and was denied both times. She has Xrays showing all the damage in her back and her specialist doctor highly recommends she stop working. Yet due to financial stress, she can’t. We have both prayed and prayed for disability to come through. After talking to her today, I prayed again because she was again hurting badly. So, once again I asked God the questions, “Why won’t you help her? Why won’t you answer our prayers?” And I pleaded, “God, please help the pain to become less and make a way for her not to have to work. Please.”
Just because I go to church, have daily devotions, pray quite regularly and have believed in God since my youth does not mean I accept all things with a smile and never question Him. I do so with respect, of course, but I question just the same. I wish I had answers. I wish I could make those who are hurting feel better, but all my wishing never solves anything for anyone. All I can do is remind myself God is God. I am not. I don’t have His wisdom, His omnipotence and His perfect plan for every individual. Who am I to think I know best and have a better way? I’m nothing, just a vapor, here today, gone tomorrow. James 4:14 yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.
So my friends, I sit here and weep. I weep for those who are suffering because of mass shootings. I weep for those who have a life ending disease hanging over them, I weep for aborted babies and children thrown away like trash, I weep for the homeless who sleep on the street, for the families who lose loved ones in war, for those who die way too young and for the elderly alone and forgotten. I weep because I don’t understand and at the same time, I cling to the hope we have in Jesus Christ, that one day He will come rescue us and He will make all things right and all things good. We won’t be stuck here forever in our heartache and pain. Our Savior is coming, and we can look up in confidence, knowing we are loved by God and His promises are true.
Until then, yes, I will weep some more. And yes, I will continue to ask questions and not understand. Yet one thing I fully know; I will hold tightly to Jesus because I know without Him, I have nothing. NOTHING. No hope, no promise, no purpose. No, I can’t make things better for you, but I will continue to pray and seek Jesus. I trust Him with all things, even when it hurts. And I thank Him that this life is only temporary, and eternal life with Him is my confidence and my joy. My dear friends, I can’t promise you a happy ending, but Jesus can and He does. One day He will indeed rescue us, but until then, remind yourself that He is always worth the journey.