I’m having a down day.  So here I am penning (typing) my words to let some of the sad out.  I know we all have these days from time to time.  I just feel sad.  I feel burdened.  I feel like hope and faith doesn’t come as easy today as it did yesterday.  I’m not sure why these days come, or what causes them to evolve.  I only know there are days that hurt, some days when you cry at the drop of a hat, and you feel regret for past mistakes and too weak to climb out of that deep, dark pit of despair.  I tell God I don’t like this feeling and I want to be joyful, but with the same breath I’m wondering if He is even listening.  The world is in shambles and it needs Him more than I do, for who am I to think I am worthy of His ear.  Oh, I know in  my head God hears, so I ask for forgiveness for ever thinking He doesn’t, and I tell Him I’m just feeling sorry for myself, and then I stop praying…just like that, and not sure why.  I know He hasn’t stopped listening, but maybe I have stopped believing that my little world matters as much as others, and I know it could always be worse, because for someone else it is.

Yes, I’m rambling.  That’s what I do.  Because today I look out my window and it is cloudy with gray skies, and cold and I am wondering when the joy and laughter and resurrection day is coming.  I long for heaven, but I am still here for a purpose.  Then I ask God if I have failed Him in this too.  And again, ask Him for forgiveness if I have and promise to try and do better.  Oh, how foolish we may sometimes appear to be to our Lord.  In my heart I know one day everything will be made right.  I long for that day.  I long for the heartaches, bad decisions, failing health, financial needs and broken relationships to be over.  We were created for so much more.

I am grateful for a God who understands me,  He loves me with all of my failures, all of my questions and yes, even on the days when doubt creeps in.  I never doubt that He exists, I guess I am just doubting myself.  I long to put a smile on Gods face.  Sometimes, I think I do, but others, I’m sure I grieve Him.  On days like today, when I’m feeling down, I’ll just trust that God doesn’t love me any less.  I have many things to be grateful for, and I am.  And yes, it will get better.  Life will get better.  So, if you’re having ‘one of those days’,  keep looking heavenward, keep praying and keep believing.  It isn’t all about how we ‘feel’, it’s what we believe in our hearts to be true.  God is still on the throne, and He still hears and answers the prayers of His children, no matter how small or how big they may be. And one day everything will be made right and the rejoicing will never end.

You know something?  I am actually beginning to feel better….I guess keeping our focus on God always seems to make a ‘down’ day feel a little better.